Recruiting Visits 101: Why Your Parents Should Be There (Not Your Girlfriend or Boyfriend)

A Guide for Student Athletes and the Families Who Support Them

Let's Talk About Something Nobody Wants to Discuss

Picture this: A college coach is hosting a recruiting visit. They're excited to meet a talented athlete they've been tracking for months. They're expecting to sit down with the young person and their parents—maybe mom, dad, grandma, or Uncle Bill who's been at every game since Little League.

Instead? The athlete walks in with their girlfriend or boyfriend.

The coach smiles. Shakes hands. But inside? Red flags are going up.

Now, before anyone gets defensive, let's be crystal clear: To each his own. Everyone has the right to their relationships. But when it comes to recruiting visits—official or unofficial—there's a time, place, and purpose. And understanding that difference could be the thing that makes or breaks your athletic future.

Let's break down why this matters, what coaches are really looking for, and how parents can have this tough conversation without World War III breaking out at the dinner table.

What Coaches Are Really Evaluating During Recruiting Visits

Here's what many student athletes don't realize: The recruiting visit isn't just about you.

Yes, your athletic ability got you in the door. Your stats, your film, your performance—that's what earned the invitation. But the visit? That's about everything else.

Coaches are evaluating:

Your maturity level. Can you handle being away from home? Will you make good decisions when nobody's watching? Do you understand priorities?

Your support system. Who's in your corner when things get tough? When you're injured, struggling academically, or going through a rough patch, who shows up?

Your family dynamics. Are your parents engaged in your development? Do they understand the academic and athletic demands of college sports? Will they be partners in your success or problems the coaching staff has to manage?

Your decision-making skills. What you choose to prioritize during the most important visit of your young life tells coaches a LOT about how you'll prioritize things when you're on their team.

When you bring a romantic partner instead of your parents or guardians to a recruiting visit, you're unintentionally sending a message: "This relationship is more important to me right now than my family or my future."

And here's the hard truth coaches know but won't always say out loud: 90% of high school relationships don't survive the transition to college. They know it. You might not want to hear it, but they've seen it hundreds of times.

Why Parents NEED to Be at Recruiting Visits

Let's flip the script for a moment and talk to the parents reading this.

Your presence matters. Period.

Here's why coaches want—and need—to meet you:

1. You're Part of the Package

When a coach recruits your child, they're entering into a relationship with your entire family for the next 4-5 years. They need to know: Are you supportive? Reasonable? Someone they can communicate with when challenges arise?

2. You Ask Different Questions

Your child might be focused on playing time and facilities. You should be asking about:

• Academic support services

• Graduation rates for athletes in their sport

• Medical care and injury protocols

• What happens if they get hurt and lose their scholarship

• The real time commitment and how it impacts academics

• Transfer policies and roster management

These aren't sexy questions, but they're the ones that matter when reality hits.

3. You're the Safety Net

College athletics is demanding. There will be moments when your child struggles, questions their decision, or needs guidance. Coaches want to know you're there and that you understand what your child is signing up for.

4. You Have Legal and Financial Responsibilities

Scholarships, NIL deals, housing agreements, medical waivers—there are legal and financial implications that require adult decision-making. Coaches need to establish that relationship with you early.

The Real Talk: What Parents Need to Say to Their Athletes

Okay, parents. This is where it gets tough. How do you have this conversation without your teenager shutting down, rolling their eyes, or accusing you of not supporting their relationship?

Here's a script to get started:

Opening the Conversation:

"Hey, we need to talk about your recruiting visit coming up. I know you're excited, and so am I. I also know you were thinking about bringing [girlfriend/boyfriend's name]. I need you to hear me out on why I think that's not the best move—not because I don't respect your relationship, but because I love you and I want you to succeed."

Making Your Case:

"These coaches are making decisions about your future. They're trying to figure out if you're mature enough to handle college athletics. When they see you bring a girlfriend/boyfriend instead of family, here's what they might think: This kid doesn't have strong family support, or this kid's priorities aren't straight right now.

I'm not saying your relationship isn't important. I'm saying this one visit—this one opportunity—needs to be about your future. [Girlfriend/Boyfriend] can be part of your life for a long time. But if you mess up this recruiting visit, you might not get another shot at this opportunity."

Addressing the Pushback:

If they say: "But all my friends are bringing their girlfriends/boyfriends!"

You respond: "And their coaches are probably having the same concerns mine would have. Just because other people make that choice doesn't mean it's the right one. You want to stand out for the right reasons—your talent and your character—not because you brought someone who has no role in this process."

If they say: "You just don't like [girlfriend/boyfriend]!"

You respond: "This isn't about whether I like them or not. This is about what message you're sending to the people who can change your life. After you sign, after you're on the team, you can introduce them to everyone. But right now, during recruitment, this visit needs to be about you, your talent, and your family."

If they say: "It's my decision!"

You respond: "You're absolutely right—it is your decision. And I'm asking you to make a mature one. Show these coaches you understand what's at stake. Show them you can set boundaries in your personal life when it matters. That's the kind of decision-making that will serve you well in college and beyond."

For Student Athletes: Here's What You Need to Understand

If you're a student athlete reading this and thinking "my parents are being unreasonable," take a breath and consider this perspective:

Your recruiting visit is a job interview. Would you bring your girlfriend or boyfriend to a job interview? Would you bring them to a college admissions interview? Probably not—because those are professional situations where you need to show you're focused and serious.

This is the same thing.

Your relationship will be tested when you get to college anyway. Distance, new environments, different schedules, meeting new people—college is hard on relationships. If your relationship is strong enough to last through college, it's definitely strong enough to survive you going to a recruiting visit without them.

You get ONE shot at some of these opportunities. Coaches have limited spots, limited scholarships, and hundreds of athletes competing for them. Don't give them a reason to question your maturity or priorities.

Your parents have earned this moment. Think about everyone who got you here—the early morning practices, the travel teams, the money spent on training, the sacrifices made so you could pursue your dreams. This visit is their moment too. They deserve to be there. They've earned the right to meet the coaches, see the facilities, and be part of this decision.

Who SHOULD Attend Your Recruiting Visit?

So if not your romantic partner, who should be there?

Ideal attendees:

• Parents or legal guardians (top priority)

• Grandparents who have been heavily involved in your development

• Other family members who have played a significant role in your athletic journey (Uncle Bill who coached you, Aunt Sarah who drove you to every tournament)

• Your high school coach (if invited and appropriate)

• Academic advisor or mentor (in some cases, particularly if they've been instrumental in your development)

The key question: Will this person ask important questions, represent your family well, and be part of your support system moving forward?

If the answer is yes, they should be there. If the answer is no, they should wait for another time.

The Bottom Line: This Is About Your Future

Look, we get it. High school relationships feel intense and important—and they are, in that moment. Nobody's saying they don't matter or that what you're feeling isn't real.

But here's what we ARE saying:

Recruiting visits are business. They're about your athletic future, your education, and potentially your career. They require focus, maturity, and the right support system.

Coaches notice everything. Who you bring, how you act, what questions get asked—all of it factors into their decision.

Your family has your back. Your parents aren't trying to control your life or ruin your relationship. They're trying to protect your future and make sure you don't make a decision you'll regret.

This moment is temporary, but the consequences are lasting. One recruiting visit gone wrong could mean the difference between a scholarship offer and a "thanks, but no thanks." That's not being dramatic—that's reality.

Action Steps for Parents and Athletes

For Parents:

1. Have the conversation early—don't wait until the week before the visit

2. Be clear about expectations without being controlling

3. Offer to help your child explain to their partner why they can't come

4. Prepare questions to ask coaches so your child sees the value you bring

5. Stay supportive even if your child initially pushes back

For Student Athletes:

1. Think long-term—this decision affects your next 4-5 years

2. Be honest with your partner about why this visit needs to be family-focused

3. Prepare questions to ask coaches with your parents

4. Show maturity by making the hard but right decision

5. Thank your parents for being there and supporting your dreams

Final Thought: Make the Right Impression

At the end of the day, recruiting visits are about making the best possible impression on coaches who hold your future in their hands. Every detail matters—what you wear, how you speak, who you bring, and how you carry yourself.

You've worked too hard and come too far to let anything—even a relationship you care about—get in the way of that moment.

Bring your parents. Show coaches you have a strong support system. Ask the right questions. Make the mature decision.

Your future self will thank you.

And who knows? If your relationship is meant to last, your girlfriend or boyfriend will be there to celebrate with you when you sign that letter of intent—surrounded by the family who helped get you there.

About This Article:
This resource was created to support student athletes and their families in navigating the complex recruiting process. For more resources on youth development, education, and family support, visit mamahen.org.

What's your experience with recruiting visits? Parents, how did you handle similar conversations? Student athletes, what advice would you give others going through this process? Share your thoughts in the comments below.