Our House: Built on Sports and Reality

In our world, sports aren’t a hobby; they’re a lifestyle. My husband has been a Division I college football coach for over 30 years. Both of my boys have played at every level: pee wee, middle school, high school, and college. We have spent more time on sidelines, in locker rooms, and on long bus rides than most people spend in their living room.

So when somebody asks me, “Does your husband cuss out his players?” or “What’s your opinion on coaches cussing at players?” I don’t answer from theory. I answer from experience.

I’ve seen a lot of coaches.
I’ve heard a lot of language.
And my answer is simple: I don’t have a problem with cussing. I have a problem with disrespect and harm.

Words vs. Hands: Where I Draw the Line

Let’s be clear: I am not bothered by a coach who gets fired up, gets loud, and yes—lets some four-letter words fly in the heat of practice or a game. These young athletes are in a high-intensity environment. It’s physical, emotional, and competitive. Sometimes the language matches the atmosphere.

What I absolutely do have a problem with is:

• A coach putting hands on a kid.

• Grabbing, shoving, or physically “jacking them up.”

• Crossing over from firm to abusive.

You want to get in their grits? Go ahead.
You want to challenge them, call them out, push them? Go ahead.

But keep your hands respectful and your intentions clear. You are there to build, not break.

Why Some of These Boys Need “Grit Getting”

Now, this is where some folks get uncomfortable, but it needs to be said.

There are boys growing up:

• Without consistent male leadership at home.

• With moms and grandmoms doing everything—holding down jobs, raising kids, getting them to practice, cheering in the stands.

• With a lot of softness around them, but not always structure.

Shout out to every single mom and grandmother holding it down. You are the backbone of so many athletes’ stories. But even the strongest mama cannot fully show a young man how to be a man. There are things only another man, in a male-driven environment, can pull out of him.

When a coach gets in his grits:

• He’s teaching him how to be coached, not coddled.

• He’s teaching him how to handle pressure, correction, and conflict.

• He’s showing him what the real world in sports—and beyond—actually looks like.

Is cussing required for that? No.
But does cussing disqualify it? Also no.

“They’re Just Words, Honey”

I have never, and will never, have a problem with a coach cussing at my son in the context of coaching. Those are words. They don’t define his character. They don’t erase how I raised him. They don’t cancel his worth.

There are far worse things that will come at him in life than being called out at practice:

• Being benched.

• Being cut.

• Being overlooked.

• Being doubted.

• Being underestimated.

If a few cuss words break him, what is he going to do when life really hits? When a boss is harsh, a door closes, or a situation doesn’t go his way?

One of my favorite sports moms once said it perfectly:
“If your son can’t take the heat, get out the kitchen, baby.”

This is football. This is basketball. This is competitive sports, not a quiet book club.

Preparing for the Next Level, Not Just This Season

My goal is not to raise emotionally fragile athletes who need everything padded and softened. My goal is to prepare young men for the next level.

At the next level:

• Coaches are not worried about mama’s feelings.

• Coaches are not editing every word for your comfort.

• Coaches are being paid to win, not to speak gently.

Do I think disrespect, name-calling about who a player is as a person, or hateful slurs are okay? Absolutely not. There is a difference between passionate correction and verbal abuse. Lines exist, and good coaches know where they are.

But regular, heated, intense coaching that includes cuss words? That does not scare me. That prepares them.

Moms, Where Are We Really Concerned?

Sometimes, as moms, we latch onto the cuss words because it’s the thing we can see and control. We say:

• “Don’t talk to my baby like that.”

• “Watch your mouth around my child.”

I get it. That’s your baby and always will be. But in that environment, he’s also a young man, an athlete, and part of a team. If we’re going to get loud about something, let it be about:

• Whether he’s being developed.

• Whether he’s learning discipline.

• Whether he’s being pushed to his potential.

• Whether he’s being treated fairly and safely.

Because at the end of the day, that coach is not hired to raise your son—that’s your job. He’s hired to coach your son. Sometimes coaching comes wrapped in sweat, spit, tape, and yes, cuss words.

So, Do I Approve? Have at It.

So here’s my stance in one line:

Cuss if you must, coach him hard, get in his grits—but keep your hands respectful and your intentions pure.

I’m not raising boys who flinch at words. I’m raising men who can:

• Take correction.

• Stand firm under pressure.

• Function in tough environments.

• Separate tone from truth.

So no, I’m not worried about a mama being concerned about cuss words in a college or high-level sports environment. Because at that level, they are not looking for who is the most protected—they’re looking for who is the most prepared.

Have at it.